An introvert is a personality type and something you just are, so this should probably read “I work very hard to be social”.
Question with 23 notes
scarred-in-wonderland asked: Can you please look at my blog? I posted a list of symptoms that I'm not sure class me as an introvert because I have very bad social anxiety and I'm not sure if you can have the two at the we time?... Would you mind terribly taking a quick look?
First off, being an introvert is not a disorder. It’s a personality type. It’s COMPLETELY NORMAL AND HEALTHY TO BE AN INTROVERT. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. There is nothing wrong with needing a break from people, there is nothing wrong with preferring to stay home than to go out with a bunch of people.
Listen to me: There is nothing wrong with being an introvert.
Secondly, social anxiety and being an introvert are 2 very different things, though they may seem similar. Yes, you can have both at the same time. I am one of those people. Liz, the other person who runs this blog is an introvert but does not have social anxiety. You can also be an extrovert with social anxiety like my roommate.
The difference is that when you’re an introvert you can enjoy spending time with people but after a while you just need time to yourself. You are more comfortable in smaller groups and do better one on one rather than dealing with multiple people at once. It doesn’t mean you can’t do those things, you are perfectly capable and can be good at it, it just means you don’t prefer it.
Social anxiety is when you are faced with people you aren’t comfortable with and it can send you into panic mode. Things like public speaking are literal things of nightmares, dealing with groups makes you want to cry, you can have any number of reaction to social settings, all extremely negative. It’s not fun, it’s not good.
Now, looking at your list, I would classify you as an introvert, definitely. However, not all things on that list are introvert traits. If you are able, I would discuss your anxiety and your boredom with your doctor. You may also have depression and your doctor will have options for you.
If seeing a doctor is not an option, my best suggestion for you is to keep going. Keep working, keep fighting, keep going past your comfort zone even if it makes your hand shakes and the blood rush to your face. This is your life, you have to do what is best for yourself. Sometimes that means dropping friends that don’t understand why you need to be by yourself for a while. Sometimes that means answering a question in class or joining a club or a sport. It’s going to be hard, and it’s going to suck, but you can’t go through life being afraid. You have to remember that. Trust me, I have to remind myself all the time.
There is still a point at every one where I’m done and really want to go home.
Some things I’ve learned in the CBT clinics I’ve been going to regarding anxiety that I thought might be helpful to some.
for real though. i have tried so hard to explain these things to people. jfc.
Listen up, Snowflakes.
fun little thing to tack on: triggers ARE NOT things that make you uncomfortable or uneasy, they are material that lead to visceral reactions/flash backs/panic attacks due to previous traumas
they aren’t even phobias
they are related to ptsd, not general discomfort or fear
sometimes i think that people need this polite reminder
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I agreed to go on a blind date. What do you even do on those? Why did I agree to be social?
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oceanbreeze20 asked: Hello! Please help me, if you can. I am introvert and haven't friends, but fall in love with famous musician. This guy live in Minnesota state and I live in Russia and don't know what I should do(
I want date with him, because I haven't boyfriend and he is introvert too. Please, give me an answer...
First of all, I hate to bring a reality check, but you are probably never going to meet this musician. And it is safe to want him because it is probably never going to happen.
I would try and make some friends closer to where you live. It isn’t going to be easy, but joining a club, or a religious organization, or a volunteer group (I’m not familiar with what social things you have in Russia, but if there is a place you can hang out and meet other people in a low pressure environment I would try and do that). Hopefully you will find some people you get along with and even maybe someone you like as much as this musician.
And good luck trying new things. I know meeting new people it really uncomfortable, but when you make friends its worth it.
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What would you advise for dating an introvert guy? I’ve been seeing an introvert guy whom I have a crush on, but I have no idea on how to get him to open up, and it’s extra difficult since I’m an introvert myself. I try to give him subtle signals that I like him but he doesn’t seem to pick them up, or he is too shy to notice and act on them. I’m honestly too scared to make the first move, I still don’t know if he fancies me or he is just being polite when we go out. It’s so hard for the both of us to make a move.
Well the truth is that, as far as I know, no one is telepathic. So you can’t just sit around and expect anyone to just pick up on what you are thinking, especially if you guys aren’t really close. I would recommend either getting up the courage to say something like “Would you like to go on a date with me?” or telling him you like him if you want something to happen.
I don’t have a magical solution to this because eventually, for this relationship to happen, one of you will have to let the other person know how you feel and risk rejection.
And subtle signs usually don’t work. My dad still laments at how long it took my mom to got out with him, and the reason it took so long for her to get the message was because he was being shy and subtle. Eventually he had to come out and ask if she wanted to have dinner, alone, with just him, And my dad is one of those introverts who would happily live a hermit’s existence with just my mom, and puts up with people because my mom needs a social life.
The point of the story if that I you want something to happen, you have to take a leap. And there is no easy way to do it. If both of you are waiting for the other person to do something, then chances are neither of you will ever move.
So make a move if you want something to happen and stay put if you would rather have nothing happen then take the risk. Dating isn’t easy for introverts or extroverts. Good luck!
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before my boyfriend and i decided to live on our own, we used to live with his friends. it did not help that most of his friends (including my boyfriend), if not all, were extroverts and my boyfriend constantly hung out with them. i would hang out with them, though, despite my need to recharge, because that would be the only time i would spend time with him.
as a result, i became depressed, suicidal, tired, constantly angry, etc. even when my boyfriend asked me to join him and a couple roommates for a board game, i flipped my lid because i just wanted to be alone. it was getting to a point where it was detrimental to our relationship.
however, now with just us, it helped us so much. i’ve actually thrived so much better. even though i lost my job a month or so ago, i’m enjoying the alone time i get when he’s at work and i feel so much more human in my life than ever before. it’s improved our relationship so much.
then i realized that i just really do not like living with people other than my boyfriend. if i hadn’t met him, i would surely be living on my own for a long time.
i know this is random but i really feel that if i posted anywhere else, i don’t think anyone would understand haha. it reads sort of selfish, doesn’t it?
It’s not selfish at all, and anyone that thinks it is either doesn’t understand or doesn’t care to understand and those people aren’t worth having in your life.
Being an introvert means you need alone time. It’s not that we don’t like people, on the contrary, we like people very much, we just need a break. We need to feel safe, we need to know that we can leave when a situation becomes overwhelming, and we need a place that is ours. When you can’t feel that in your own home, it can be incredibly detrimental.
I’m glad that you and your boyfriend have found a solution that works for both of you and that you are much happier now. I hope that the introverts that follow this blog read this and take comfort that others feel this way and hopefully they can pull some strength from it.
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Anonymous asked: throughout my entire 26 year lifetime, i never felt like i belonged anywhere. no matter what kind of friends i make, i never feel like i belong there. sometimes this bothers me because i want to belong to something but at the same time, i enjoy being by myself and a few loved ones. as i'm getting older, i find i'm actually getting a little worried about it. do you have any tips dealing with these types of feelings?
I’m sorry that you feel this way, just know that you aren’t alone in this, and a lot of people feel that way, introverted or not. I know that I’ve spent most of my life feeling like that as well, and I think it is one of life’s greatest struggles to try and find somewhere you belong.
Something I keep learning now that I’m out of school is that life is what you make it, and you get what you put into it. For introverts this is sometimes more difficult, especially for those of use with social anxiety or other mental issues that make meeting people sometimes nearly impossible. My advice is that if you have these issues, to seek help. Talk to your doctor, go to therapy, if they prescribe you medication, try them.
Outside of that, you have to build your life into something that you are happy with. This will take time and a lot of self reflection, but you need to find all of the things that you are unhappy with and then change them until you are happy. This can be anything; your hair, your attitude, an aspect of your personality, where you live, your job, etc. All of these things can be changed to suite your needs. If you can’t do it alone, seek help, either from a professional or someone you trust.
Once you’ve begun to do this, you will feel more comfortable in your life and with yourself and maybe even feel like you belong.
Other things you can try, at least in the short term because change is a long term process, is seeking out others that enjoy the things that you do. You can join a club, take a class, join an online community, do volunteer work… all of these have a limited demand on your time and if you don’t like them you don’t have to stay.
One last bit of advice since your actual question was how to deal with the feelings, which suggest that you would like a way to get rid of the feelings but stay where you are. THIS IS BAD DO NOT IGNORE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THINGS. Repressing emotion is damaging and will not make you happier. Allow yourself to feel things, and then when you’re in a better place examine why you felt those things and then see what you can do to change it. You are not a prisoner in your own body, you can take control and make your life better.
I hope this helps. I know that it is hard, just know that a lot of people feel the same way. We just have to keep working on it and help each other when we can.
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