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I could totally relate to someone who wrote “introverts don’t get lonely from not hanging out with a lot of people, but they get lonely from not having intimate interactions from time to time”, something like that. I could totally relate to that. Like, in the meantime when you just talk about shit and you’re “on autopilot”, socially, that doesnt mean anything to me. Talking about shit, aaaaaalll the time. I think thats why I spend so much time on Tumblr, I have inner intimate relationships with my tumblr feed kind of…
Love your page. Makes me feel less weird in this extroverted world.
IC: Thanks! We totally feel you. Sometimes being in a crowded room makes you feel isolated and its really hard to reach out to people sometimes. And even if you can make small talk with someone, that conversation can be so much more draining than a deep conversation with your best friend.
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Anonymous said: I'm not socialy awkward or have anxiety, I might be a bit shy but I think I have some social skills despite not being very good at small talk. Thing is though, I don't make friends as easily as other people seem to for some reason and I try to be quite social. Like so I don't have many friends like most people do but I have just about enough I think. Now I'm wondering, is this something introverts might struggle with or so? Since I'm an introvert as well.
One of the traits of an introvert is that they prefer the company of a few close friends over a large group of acquaintances.
This isn’t bad either. Trust me, once you get out of school, having that close unit of friends will be more beneficial to you than a large group of people you may or may not be in of touch with.
I say beneficial to *you* because I mean *you* as an introvert. I have a good friend who is an extrovert and stays in touch with what seems like hundreds of people she’s met through the years and at any given moment she can message one a question or ask for help or something and they’ll help her. That works for her, and that’s awesome.
Now as awesome as that is for her, I could not stand that. I need to focus on the people that I consider important. They are my main group that I can go to if I need anything and I know absolutely that they will help me. And in return, I know that these limited amount of people will require help from me. Extroverts have what seems like an unlimited amount of energy for social situations, while introverts have an extremely limited amount. So while extroverts can give out the social energy to anyone and everyone no matter what they get back, introverts prefer to spend that social energy on people we know we’ll have a positive experience with and would rather not “waste it” on people who will drain us. That’s why alone time is important to us, so we can regain that energy so we can continue to socialize.
So don’t feel bad about it, you don’t even have to struggle with it. Just know your limits and try to work around them. Sometimes it doesn’t always work out and you have to overextend yourself and you’ll feel exhausted and this can seem inconvenient, but it’s just how your body/brain works. Just like your body needs water and food and sleep it also needs its brain time to recharge. Listen to your body! It knows what it needs.
Question with 12 notes
samtheham13 said: Um I feel like my best freind isn't very happy with who I am. I don't like going out or partying. I like video games, videos and being with my family. She says its a "boring" way to live and that it's pointless. Umm is it ok to be this way or what?
Of course it’s okay! Different strokes and such. Everyone has a different perception of what ‘boring’ is or what ‘fun’ is. That’s the whole point of living, yeah? The differences as well as the similarities.
I like to stay at home and fuck around on the computer or read, I hate parties. They’re exhausting, I never know enough people, I don’t like getting drunk around strangers, etc. Some people like that, some people can make friends with anyone and drink whenever and are fine, and that’s cool too.
The problem, of course, lies in you feeling like your friend isn’t happy with who you are, and you not wanting to change. First: if you don’t want to change, don’t. Not for her, not for anyone, only for yourself. Second: Talk to her about it. Explain why you enjoy somethings and don’t enjoy others. Saying something makes you uncomfortable is a legitimate reason to not like something, or want to do it. If she says she doesn’t understand, or she insults you, then maybe start finding some friends a bit more like minded. It may be hard because she is your best friend, but if you are her best friend, she will put forth the effort to understand you and try to make compromises. If she doesn’t she’s not worth the time.
Lastly, it’s good to be friends with people who have different perspectives than you. It helps you grow and learn and become a better person. But you also need to feel safe, you need to be able to trust the people you choose to be around you. It’s okay to be picky about your friends. They’re supposed to boost you, not drain you.
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Honestly, I ‘m quiet confued with what my situation is. My whole life I was always so bubbly and exited to be social. I’d talk to anyone about anything at any given moment and enjoy it. Pretty extroverted in a sense, but a year ago I came to a point in my life where I isolated myself from people for a few months, no physical contact with anyone other than my family and my bestfriend (ocasionally I’d hang out with 2 other people but that haulted after a while) so I found myself growing paranoid.. Kind of in a state of psycosis as well, still recovering. I was also placed under severe depression and developed anixety.. Well, after that I found it really hard to talk to anyone, I got really nervous and the thoughts that ran through my head about myself kept me from saying anything. I convinced myself that everyone hated me or found me awkward or annoying and that I was better left alone.. So now I find myself wanting to be alone and finding comfort in being isolated for some periods of time. Under certain situations, like when I smoke pot around people, I get really bad anxiety.. I start to shake and negative thoughts run through my head, but I can go out and be soial when I have to be and live a normal life, I just prefer my own company over others. I seem to be leaning more toward the introverted trait than extrovert.. Is it possible for your personality to switch due to certain situations? Or just in different periods of your life? I know its possible to be both intro/extro but I never really understood how a personality could just flop?
IC: Hi! Thank you for your message, this is actually really interesting and I have seen a lot of similar situations. Just recently I was working with a girl who described herself as an introvert but was loud and social and outgoing and loved people. At the time a few friends and I were like, yeah okay introvert sure, but now that I’ve thought about it, it makes sense. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you don’t like people, it means you need more ‘me’ time than extroverts. Introverts thrive on one-on-one or close situations/relationships whereas extroverts thrive in large groups with lots of people. You can enjoy people and be excited and have fun and still need time away to recharge, it’s very possible that you have always been an introvert, but your recent depression/anxiety has pulled you away from your need/want of being social and exacerbated your introversion.
I can relate in that sense, as I have just been diagnosed with major depression and anxiety and have started medications for it. I did not realize how much of my social life was depleted until the medications started kicking in and I was able to hold conversations and speak up and give my opinions without being absolutely terrified. Suddenly I remember how to enjoy others company, how to make friends, how to open up to other people, etc.. Whereas before I thought I was fine with my 3 friends and avoiding all people all the time with a permanent bitch face.
Ultimately, every person is different. We have labels and boxes for everything, but the world is hardly so neat. Just do whatever makes you happy and if sometimes that means alone time then alone time it is.
If you are able, I would suggest getting help for your depression/anxiety and avoid recreational drugs that make the negative feelings worse. It sucks, I know it all sucks and it’s very hard to deal with, but life continues on and depression is that needy friend who holds you back from your potential because they’re too scared. Sometimes you have to let those friends go in order to realize that they were never actually your friends in the first place and that they were only hurting you.
Hope this kind of answered your question!
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oceanbreeze20 said: Hello! Please help me, if you can. I am introvert and haven't friends, but fall in love with famous musician. This guy live in Minnesota state and I live in Russia and don't know what I should do(
I want date with him, because I haven't boyfriend and he is introvert too. Please, give me an answer...
First of all, I hate to bring a reality check, but you are probably never going to meet this musician. And it is safe to want him because it is probably never going to happen.
I would try and make some friends closer to where you live. It isn’t going to be easy, but joining a club, or a religious organization, or a volunteer group (I’m not familiar with what social things you have in Russia, but if there is a place you can hang out and meet other people in a low pressure environment I would try and do that). Hopefully you will find some people you get along with and even maybe someone you like as much as this musician.
And good luck trying new things. I know meeting new people it really uncomfortable, but when you make friends its worth it.
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What would you advise for dating an introvert guy? I’ve been seeing an introvert guy whom I have a crush on, but I have no idea on how to get him to open up, and it’s extra difficult since I’m an introvert myself. I try to give him subtle signals that I like him but he doesn’t seem to pick them up, or he is too shy to notice and act on them. I’m honestly too scared to make the first move, I still don’t know if he fancies me or he is just being polite when we go out. It’s so hard for the both of us to make a move.
Well the truth is that, as far as I know, no one is telepathic. So you can’t just sit around and expect anyone to just pick up on what you are thinking, especially if you guys aren’t really close. I would recommend either getting up the courage to say something like “Would you like to go on a date with me?” or telling him you like him if you want something to happen.
I don’t have a magical solution to this because eventually, for this relationship to happen, one of you will have to let the other person know how you feel and risk rejection.
And subtle signs usually don’t work. My dad still laments at how long it took my mom to got out with him, and the reason it took so long for her to get the message was because he was being shy and subtle. Eventually he had to come out and ask if she wanted to have dinner, alone, with just him, And my dad is one of those introverts who would happily live a hermit’s existence with just my mom, and puts up with people because my mom needs a social life.
The point of the story if that I you want something to happen, you have to take a leap. And there is no easy way to do it. If both of you are waiting for the other person to do something, then chances are neither of you will ever move.
So make a move if you want something to happen and stay put if you would rather have nothing happen then take the risk. Dating isn’t easy for introverts or extroverts. Good luck!
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